Zucchini Fritters

I found this recipe on a night when I knew I wanted to use some zucchini I'd picked up at the farmer's market. I'd purposely chosen some of the larger ones because they were cheaper and could be easily used in a recipe calling for shredded zucchini. I have this "thing" about cooked zucchini: I can only eat it in small chunks, shredded, or grilled. The high water content makes it feel gross in my mouth if it's in large pieces.

Needless to say, I went in to the afternoon planning for the evening meal with "shredded zucchini on my mind. This lovely and so very simple dish is adapted from the Skinny Chef. I've seen other adaptations and ideas on blogs and other sites over the years but viewing a recipe that I was certain I'd like on a site that has "skinny" in its title made me try it.

Zucchini Fritters (adapted from http://www.skinnychef.com/ )

Ingredients
3 C zucchini, shredded

1 egg lightly beaten

1/2 cup grated reduced-fat Parmesan cheese

1/2 cup flour

1/2 tsp baking powder

1/8-1/4 tsp nutmeg

scant 1/8 tsp cayenne pepper

1/2 teaspoon sea salt

1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper to taste

Directions
1. Combine all of the ingredients except for the zucchini in a large bowl.
2. Whisk to form a batter, removing large lumps, about 1-2 minutes.
3. Add the grated zucchini it to the bowl. The moisture from the zucchini will produce a batter. Use your HANDS in this one. Stirring with a spoon is just not something I normally do. I’m a hands-on chick. Try it. You’ll like it. And the consistency once you add that zucchini? Goopy goodness. If you have kids who won’t fling this stuff around your kitchen, let ‘em get down and dirty with this stuff. They’ll love you as much as my kid does!
4. Use the batter immediately.
5. Heat olive or canola oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Using a 1/4-cup measure, pour out 3-4 cakes. Cook 2-3 minutes on each side until lightly browned. Drain on paper towel

Serves 2-4.

Notes:

Moisture: Please believe me when I say you should NOT add any extra moisture to this recipe. When you see how dry and crumbly the batter will be before adding the shredded zucchini, you’ll be hard-pressed to not dump in some water or milk. DO NOT do this.

Mixing: Use your hands. But for all that’s holy, will you PLEASE remember to take off your rings before you do this? I never remember to take off my wedding rings and always get chunks of zucchini and soupy batter stuck under the diamonds. Learn from the error of my ways. Someone should.

Variations:

I’ve doubled the recipe and used ½ Parm and ½ mozzarella with good results. I don’t recommend using a cheese with a high moisture content (fresh mozzarella) because the batter and resulting fritters will likely be very soupy. You want crunch with these babies.Serve hot or at room temperature. These will be great on a buffet because they retain their quality really well. If serving them as an appetizer, I’d recommend using a tablespoon measure for each fritter.

Feedback:

The husband LOVED these things. Loved them. The kid? Not so much. He knew they were “fried” and heard daddy raving about them but wouldn’t touch them. His loss is my gain.

Cheesy Olive Bread

I saw the original recipe posted by Ree Drummond at the Pioneer Woman Cooks. You gotta love a woman who feels that butter is a necessary ingredient in almost all recipes. That chick isn't afraid of a few chubs climbing onto her hips. (For real, have you see her? She's a hottie, fer cripe's sake. I say pack on some more. Make us real peeps feel like you're one of US!)

I have tweaked her original recipe to fit my tastes a bit but wanted people to know that the REAL idea stems from all that is Ree.

Cheesy Olive Bread


Ingredients
1 loaf of cheap "Italian" bread (Don't go wasting your money on artisan-quality bread. I spent a buck on a loaf from HellMart and made some amazing-ass bread the other night.)
1 1/2 sticks of salted butter, softened
1/4 C mayo (And we all know I loathe mayo. But wait. You won't taste it. If I couldn't taste it, no one will!)
1/2 small white or yellow onion, grated (Use that old box grater. I do! It creates "onion juice.")
1 lb Monterey Jack cheese, shredded (I use that box grater. I like freshly-grated for this baby.)
1 can black olives, chopped. (Chop 'em yourself. I hate those pre-sliced suckers.)
1/3 C green olives, chopped

Directions:

1. Slice the bread in half length-wise and place on a cookie sheet. (Please go buy yourself a Silpat. Please? Nothing sticks to that Silpat goodness.)
2. Preheat oven to 350.
3. In a medium bowl, combine the softened butter and mayo until combined.
4. Add the olives and onion juice stuff. Combine.
5. Dump in that lovely cheese goodness. At this point, drop the spoon. Use some clean hands to mix this stuff. Please? It's easy and adds some serious love to the dish. Trust me on this.
6. When all ingredients are well-combined, pack the mixture on top of the cut sides of the bread. It'll look like a lot. Even if you think it's too much, use every bit of fatty love that's in the bowl.
7. Slide that cookie sheet into the oven and bake for 15-20 minutes. I err on the side of longer rather than shorter. (Oy vey. That sounds naughty. But I digress.)
8. You want the bread to be bubbly and the cheesy mixture to be browned.
9. Take out the cookie sheet, and for all that's holy LET THE BREAD REST BEFORE SLICING. Two things will happen if you slice it before waiting 5-7 minutes:
   *The cheesy goodness will slice off the damn bread. Don't ask me how I know this.
   Just listen and know I am the all-knowing where this is concerned.
   *You will pop a piece of the bread into your mouth and scald your tongue, lips, and the
   roof of you mouth. Everything else that enters your mouth for the next day will be RUINED. Again. Trust me.
10. Slide each half IN HALF, lengthwise again. (You'll end up with four long pieces of love.) Slice those pieces into smallish slices. If people take HUGE chunks of this, they will likely fall out from rapture. Or a heart attack. So. Let's go small.
11. Be ready to entertain the masses who will ask for the recipe and admire your cookity cooking genius.

Variations

• Feel free to mix cheeses or use different cheese altogether. Cheese is a food group in my home. As is bread.
• I have never and will never use fat-free or reduced fat mayo in this. As much as I can't stand the texture and smell of that white, jiggly shit, I cannot veer from the full-fat version. If you're gonna take out the fat, you're altering the recipe all-together. And brands? I'll just say one word: Hellman's.
• Red onion? Green onions? Sure. Go for it.

Feedback

I have made this app several times this summer alone and haven't heard one person say "ick." Ever. The only so-so review was from someone who said, "Um. This is RICH, isn't it?"

Uh. Yeah. You're eating at a big girl's house. If you want to eat that celery shit, go elsewhere. Unless you want a stick of that crunchy stuff in a spicy Bloody Mary. Oh, I love a good Bloody Mary. Even Virgin. For real. I don't drink. Much. Really.

So, back to the bread. People will eat this. Trust me. Make it and watch it disappear.